Downey's "Classics" Presents: Old Review of "The Re-Up" by Eminem and Most Everyone Signed To Aftermath At The Time The Album Was Released

Apparently, the best way for a writer to make a name for himself today is to do various writing jobs that doubles as an advertisement for his blog until he is ready to write a novel, which pays more than a job writing for a magazine. Sure, the writer could just skip a step and write the novel right away, but that shit is difficult, and without something resembling a cultivated audience, it would arrive in bookstores to general apathy. And that's even if it makes it into stores.

So, the writer of this now frequently updated blog is trying to stay in the swing of blogging. This requires putting up a post a day. Rather than write something off the top of his head, though, he is burning "back catalogue", or material he wrote for classes that would get underappreciated, because he is tired on this day. Below is one of the few music reviews he wrote "back in the day" that he still stands by, despite a bit of preaching. Enjoy.

Old Review of "The Re-Up" (2006) by Eminem, etc.
by John Downey

I reached a certain point in track 3 that made me realize that this album sucks. It is not a great album that has a few filler tracks. It's not even a halfway decent album. The whole thing sucks, for reasons that I'm hoping you'll listen to.

Doseone once said, in song, "Shove that gun up your ass." This was a direct diss towards Slug (of Atmosphere), since Slug had started to go from his "poet on the street with a thing for chicks" routine towards his present-day "this one's for the ladies" shtick. Earlier this year, P.O.S. rapped, "You're sick, homey, eat a gun (that's terrible)". Of course, this was in the same song in which he name-dropped Tyler Durden, went out for Bronson's part in the next Death Wish movie, and fired people because they enjoyed Fresca. Sage Francis's song, "Gunz Yo", made the correlation between guns and, well, take a wild guess, even more lucid, but still managed to have some pretty good lines in there. The point is that the connection between guns and a certain male organ is strong, and has occupied the minds of many skilled rappers. When done correctly, the correlation can shed light on some mysteries in life (ex: "Why have our guns gotten larger in size over the years?"), and also, offer some insight as to how the male mind works.

So, when Obie Trice said, on track 3, "My p**** is a mag, when I lift it hit you", over a beat that anybody with a decent drum machine could pull off in 15 minutes (but wouldn't, because it sucks), I had to turn off my CD player. I didn't find the line offensive; I found it insulting to my intelligence. If anybody is willing to argue in favor of the lyrical value of "The Re-up", all I have for a counterargument is Obie's declaration, as seen above. I mean, this is your big "We're Here" statement, and you bring that tripe to the table?

I did get around to listening to the whole album, by the way. I honestly wished I hadn't, since every beat here is terrible. It reeks of suggesting mood instead of establishing it, with "spooky" string arrangements and "gloomy"/s*** drums. Of course, since this is a "mixtape" (apparently, nobody at Shady has heard of the word "compilation"), production quality isn't the intended focus here; the presentation of the new talent that Eminem has acquired is. Thing is, I listened to the album the whole way through, twice, and I still can't tell most of these people apart. If they were looking to establish their own dynamic personas, they failed miserably. Take the single "You Don't Know", for example. In order to find out which rapper is Ca$his, the newest member of D12, we have to use process of elimation. "The white one's Eminem, the one who's asleep is Lloyd Banks, the guy with the charisma is 50 Cent, so that boring guy has to be Ca$his!" The concept behind this project was supposed to be a showcase of new talent, along with showing Eminem on top of his game, and yet, the only person on this album who comes out of this train-wreck smelling like roses is 50 Cent.

That's right, 50. No, I don't really like the guy, and no, his verses don't really have any worth from a lyrical standpoint. His enthusiasm, however, makes up for it. You can see him grinning from ear to ear as he manages to make each verse that he's on smell like hot s***, leaving Eminem in the dust with his pants down (then again, Eminem pulls his own pants down on every verse here, so that's no huge accomplishment). 50 is obviously still riding on the high he got from playing a young version of himself in the Get Rich movie, despite getting up there in years. It says something about either 50 Cent or Stat Quo, Ca$his, and Bobby Creekwater when a guy over 30 can sound better than a bunch of 20-somethings.

That said, there's going to be a lot of people who like this album. After all, it does offer a lot of "bangers" that dare you to doubt their seriousness (my hand's up). There's also going to be some people who are going to thank Eminem for being considerate enough to let Proof be on the album for all of 30 seconds, and who think that a remix of "Smack That" is a good idea. It's going to be the soundtrack to a lot of parties over the course of the winter and spring, so you might associate "The Re-Up" with good times. Well, you could be having good times while listening to "Hell Hath No Fury", "Audition", "Game Theory", "Mo' Mega", "Food and Liquor", and "Fishscale". None of those albums have any bad lines, and they have better beats, too. "The Re-Up" is one to skip unless you're a completist or a raver, in which case it's too late to save you either way.

Oh, and here's a weird connection: Doseone battled Emimem at Scribble Jam '97 in a consolation round (since Doseone had been DQ'ed for either shouting over Rhymefest or acting as his hype man, depending on how you look at it). Doseone used his time to curse out the Scribble Jam committee, while Eminem spit out a few more verses from his first EP and trying to pass them off as a freestyle, which he had been doing for the entire competition. Nowadays, Doseone has performed in many bands, released many albums, has many very loyal fans, and has plenty of outlets to release his creative juices. He is very secure in himself, since he's always acted true to himself and surrounded himself with good people. In contrast, Eminem starts off this album by questioning his legacy. Go figure.